But what they have in common is power play, with one individual exerting their authority or seniority over another. It really bothers me when I try to talk to someone who knows that I have autism. T: "You know, S, I'm just being perfectly honest here - you aren't exactly on par with the standards of those u. Most women have had a man tell her to "relax" because he perceives her reaction as inappropriately emotional-when in fact, she doesn't feel she's responding emotionally at all. (Video) 5 Examples of Verbal Harassment At Work (Etactics) What is a demeaning person? Dealing with a condescending employee does not have to be a headache. More often than not, people will assume that unless you talk about your knowledge of a subject on the regular, you dont have a clue about it. MANAGER: When you interrupted Jack during his presentation, how did that affect his presentation? While it may sound obvious, remembering that the condescending behavior is not personal to you as the manager is very important. Lets say someone is suffering from a debilitating headache and needs to go home from work. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Others are likely to find this behavior condescending and a bit pathetic. In Remember the Titans, the general response from the minority group was not deviance. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Try Finding Someone to Work in Isolation for 24/7! MANAGER: And what would have been the impact of that alternative approach? He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills. Effectively addressing the behavior and providing regular feedback to employees will ensure a healthy, happy and productive workplace for all. When You Assume You Know Everything There's absolutely nothing. This means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath and raising your voice. It's the sort of thing an exasperated parent would say to their child, so when one adult says it to another, they sound like a scold with a condescending attitude. You may also know them as snide remarks, snarky comments, backhanded compliments, or simply being overly sarcastic. Someone will just jump in and offer both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for it. Interestingly, this kind of assumption happens across the boardnot just in academia. Similarly, if they tell you that dinner was actually delicious, that suggests they think you usually cook things that taste like unseasoned badger meat in mud sauce. Taking yourself out of the situation allows you as the manager to evaluate the employees' intentions: Mental distance provides you with the clarity to respond appropriately and effectively to every situation. Go ahead Jack. MANAGER: Jane, I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish explaining his interaction with the customer. Women are interrupted more than men, by both men and women . Many people see a compliment sandwich and think, Just give it to me straight. 13 steps for handling condescending coworkers. does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace, seek advice from a supervisor or another HR professional, Workplace ethical dilemma: an employee threatens to take their grievances to the media, Employee who refused a drug test at work loses unfair dismissal case, An HR guide to writing a termination letter. Yes, you can definitely be arrogant and insecure at the same time. Meanwhile, the one suffering it may have blackout or aura migraines that render them incapacitated for days at a time, but whatever. Its never happened to them personally, so they must be overreacting. Each time they do so, they sound more and more ridiculous. 6. You're not saving lives here. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Thats the entire intention, really. Whether you're talking about how Jack Dorsey was at your yoga retreat last weekend, or how you're on a first-name basis with Chrissy Teigen's sister's husband, you're always going to come across as seeming like you think famous people are pretty important. The company VP was horrified. Whenever I try to talk to them about something that bothers me I get these examples. Unprofessional behavior can include a variety of behaviors, most of which are considered improper in a professional setting. What to do if your boss belittles you in front of others? But it's also important to keep in mind that studies suggest that 75 to 90 percent of communication is nonverbal. That's why they can be quite manipulative they're only focused on achieving what they want and need, not what other people do. Enjoy! You can't help but feel like they're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/27\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/27\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg\/aid12653730-v4-728px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. So, first off, you did an AMAZING job leading the board meeting this afternooneveryone loved what you had to say. After theyre told to relax or calm down, anything they say is likely to be ignored or brushed aside as being petty and irrelevant. JANE: Maybe he didn't practice his presentation enough? Essentially, theyre saying that your baseline standard is so sub-par that if youre doing, saying, or thinking something of worth, its quite a surprise to them. Were committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. But on the other hand, Jack mightn't have lost his temper and his presentation would have gone more smoothly. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. We touched upon how people who condescend toward others tend to be fiercely insecure. This touches upon calling subordinates things like champ or honey, but expands into referring to people by names other than those they use themselves. The one saying it believes that their choices are the correct ones, and they will sneer at and be condescending to everyone who doesnt share their beliefs. Why cant you ever get anything done on time? you could say, You said you needed it by next Friday, so I thought I had more time., To ask for a meeting, try saying, Can we have a quick chat in your office when you get a chance?, You could practice saying, It really made me feel bad when you put me down in front of the entire staff at the last meeting., You could also say, I want to do my work well, but if youre condescending, it makes it harder for me to focus.. It is possible to learn how to stop be condescending if you want to stop. Both words and behaviors communicate the fact that the condescending person thinks they're better, smarter, and more successful than other people. If the conversation is casual, and someone mispronounces a name or a word, there's a good chance it's not worth correcting them at all. Plus, those nicknames are almost always gender-exclusive; a male boss isn't going to call his female employee "chief" (and hopefully in 2022 he knows not to call any woman besides his wife "honey"). Once they are no longer the center of attention, you can say, discreetly, "Do you say debut "dee-butt?' So the chummy nicknames most people find condescending end up being pretty exclusionary, too. Let's examine the behaviors to watch out for and the ways managers can appropriately address every kind of condescending employee to create a more cohesive and productive workplace for all. Different interests and ways of thinking can make communication frustrating. Calling other men "Chief," "Boss" or "Big Guy" is a weird sort of faux-submission posturing. Nathan acted as if he was superior to everyone in the room, using condescending words in every conversation. I don't think it was right for Jack to spread false information. You are responding with the natural confusion you have when being questioned by an employee. Many complaints about bullying involve what complainants label as condescending or demeaning behavior. Sometimes, they also tend to make unnecessary noise so they can cover up their ignorance. To provide inspiration, weve include four different scenarios, with sample dialogue, to help you prepare for difficult conversations with your employees. In order to undermine another person or try to make them feel small, someone might call them a pet name such as sweetheart, sugar, darling, cupcake, sweetie, and so on. References. They might happen between family members, colleagues, friends, or complete strangersall depending on circumstance and whats going on around them. Davis is currently the CEO of Musk's transportation company, The Boring Company. While these monikers may be considered cute or sweet when dealing with a child or a pet Pekingese, theyre incredibly demeaning when directed toward another adult. JANE: Yes. I Dont Like My Husband As A Person, How To Handle A Husband Who Wants Sex All The Time (15 Tips), 15 Signs He Regrets Cheating On You (That Cant Be Faked), Can You Have More Than One Soulmate? The employee who disregards training and basic tasks because "he already knows." This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Still, if you've been told you have a condescending streak, here are some eye-roll-worthy behaviors to discontinue. Example: That's not such an impressive achievement. Whether you're having a casual conversation or trying to offer meaningful feedback, the person you're talking to is way more likely to shut down and react defensively if you claim they "always" or "never" do something. People who go this route are often fiercely insecure, and they use their acquired knowledge base as a shield to hide behind, prop themselves up with, and injure others as needed. Who hasnt bridled at being spoken to condescendingly? EMPLOYEE: (Its taken forever, I've been waiting all week to hear back.). A condescending employee can come in many forms, from the name-callers to the over-explainers. Ignoring the perpetrator is often the best approach. To whoever you're speaking to, the implicit message is, 'I know important people, ergo I'm important.' This means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath and raising your voice. Once again, this is a commentary on a persons aptitude. Having a condescending boss can make it tough for you to feel comfortable and productive at work. Managers are tasked not only with identifying these individuals and their behavior but with addressing them as well. 3. Subscribe to our daily or weekly email for news and analysis that will get you thinking in the morning. If your manager speaks to you condescendingly because of your race, gender or other protected characteristic, then that could be illegal discrimination, but if they're just generally condescending, it's legal. If you're not certain they're following what you're talking about, you can always ask, "Are you familiar?" People have a patronizing attitude and exhibit condescending behavior for different reasons, but usually, it boils down to insecurity and/or arrogance. It doesn't come cloaked in kindness. Condescension can be a feature of the Mr. It's up to you whether you want to apologize to Jack, but it sounds like an apology would help smooth things over with him. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Lets say youre in a work environment and youre assigned to be the leader or manager for a particular project. During one-on-one with Jane MANAGER: When you interrupted Jack during his presentation, how did that affect his presentation? Just focus on being positive and relaxed. "Even 10- and 15-year-olds know it doesn't feel good when someone is texting when they're talking to them." 9. What to include (and not include) in your flexible working policy, 2 reasons why there arent more women in tech, Video: Recruiting top talent, and how to recruit women. I understand that the data I am submitting will be used to provide me with the above-described products and/or services and communications in connection therewith. Overly familiar, one-size-fits-all nicknames-especially from people you interact with in a professional capacity-are generally not a good look. The news site of the Australian HR Institute. She asked them to repeat the title because she didnt quite catch it, and they rolled their eyes, repeated it, and said, Its in German, youve probably never even heard of it.. Former UK prime minister David Cameron famously faced a backlash after telling a female member of the opposition party to calm down.. However, people are sometimes condescending in more subtle ways, such as talking about people behind their backs or making fun of colleagues in the form of jokes. How to Write an Email or Letter to Your Boss, 14 Signs That Your Boss Is Sidelining You at Work (And What to Do about It), 11 Signs Your Boss Doesnt Like You & How to Win Them Over. MANAGER: Do you think it was necessary to correct him in the middle of his talk? 2008 -2023 Lynne Eisaguirre | Privacy | Site Map Proudly Presented By: Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at: 3985 Wonderland Hill|Suite 106|Boulder, CO 80304, You may also call or write me to discuss your options at:303-216-1020 or, Newsletter Effective Online Training in Response to #metoo: Heres What You Need to Know, Newsletter Why You Need One-on-One Sensitivity Training AND Performance Management Training, What Leaders Can Learn About Retaliation From Andrew Cuomos Mistakes. Interruption/talking over another. Its a type of behaviour that cuts across generations. If you win a game, you can say, "You win some, you lose some" instead of gloating. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. Here are some useful comebacks. It is usually intended to make people feel bad . These are also known as compliment sandwiches, which doesnt encompass their true nature quite as well. Examples of Condescending Behavior at Work Condescending people make us feel bad about ourselves with their tone of voice and patronizing attitude. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This type of employee can leave people feeling frustrated, exhausted and disrespected. They aren't very empathetic. Most people who behave this way toward others are incredibly insecure. By simply interrupting or talking over you, theyre trying to show that theyre more important than you and what they have to say has more value than whatever you were blathering on about. Say you're having a debate over politics and someone says, "Come on, you know better than that." Copyright 2023 Entrepreneur Media, Inc. All rights reserved. You may also come across them in a work environment. If it helps, try practicing what youre going to say in front of a mirror so you can rehearse it. Anyone with a shred of self-awareness will take that cue to track down the right pronunciation, and if they don't bother, then going forward, it's not worth your time to correct them anyway. This is often used by people who are quite wealthy and have had the privilege of attending the best schools, travelling around the world, and so on. Watch your body language when confronting someone: finger pointing, crossing your arms, rolling your eyes or standing over the person while they are seated wont do you any favours in resolving the situation. This article has been viewed 32,305 times. 2. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. But most of the time, it's safer to give them the benefit of the doubt. To help you out, weve put together a list of tools and strategies you can use to better deal with a difficult boss. The thing about condescension is, it can be overcome. Dont mistake this for the honest interruption we are all guilty of. Heres an example in which a manager may call a subordinate into the office to give them some feedback: Hey champ! Then, when they make that error, theyre suddenly a perfect target for mockery and condescension. Allow All Cookies. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Both coworkers prefer the long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." Leadership expert David Berkus has written that the technique is pulled from the improv comedy tradition, where the rule is never to say "No," but always, "Yes, and" At Pixar , practicing "plussing" means that when offering criticism, you do it in a direct way, but always follow with a constructive suggestion on how to remedy the issue. This response allows you to take control of the situation, it also allows you to redirect the condescending nature of the employee. While a comment or behavior from a coworker may seem personal . Examples of demeaning behavior include criticizing a person in front of others, making jokes at another person's expense, rolling eyes after someone's comments, making sarcastic comments about a person. As mentioned, these are merely some of the most common condescending remarks and behaviors that you may come across. Want to Be Happy About Returning to Work? If others dont laugh, they try to brush them off as jokes. Theyll also tell others to just stop. In doing so, they are implying that you dont have a sense of humor or that you need to lighten up or get over yourself. Behavior #2: Gossip. Copyright @ Australian HR Institute. Examples of this type of behavior can include: Being late for meetings or appointments without an acceptable excuse Displaying a lack of respect for colleagues, superiors, clients and customers Focus on understanding the point that they are making, and take a few minutes to digest the information. Here are some examples of their behavioral patterns. The definition of condescending is to demonstrate feelings of superiority over another person. This one is just as infuriating as the remarks mentioned above, if not more so. Instead, focus on staying as calm as you can. No one wins with this attitude not even the condescending person. Example 1 EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Overall, this campaign resulted in a 25% increase in our target audience over the last four weeks. This expands upon the previous example, because it usually involves interrupting someone mid-sentence. 8. This means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath and raising your voice. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. Youll often get this type of remark from someone who considers themselves to be more intelligent or well-educated than you are. They might happen between family members, colleagues, friends, or complete strangersall depending on circumstance and what's going on around them. When it comes to interacting with people who are providing you with a service of some kind-whether it's the custodian in your office building, a server at a restaurant, your housekeeper, or your cab driver-nicknames are especially risky. Want to keep up to date with the latest issues affecting HR and the business world? Take a step back to evaluate their behavior. Condescending, on the other hand, is more direct. This response was given outside of direct observation of the behavior so as not to focus on Jane in front of the team. Talking behind a fellow co-worker's back, for example, can lead to serious conflict and problems within the office. Examples of condescending behavior include acting as if you know everything and are not open to new ideas, reacting to an upset with "well, that's never happened to me", offering unsolicited advice (unless you are a supervisor), not being open to feedback, referring to people in the group in the third person (even if they are sitting right
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. Their education is pretty much all they have going for them, so they use it as a weapon whenever they feel threatened. Youll hear it from people who make insulting or demeaning comments. This is the subtle way of saying, "Wow! New Reasons for the Labor Shortage, Do You Know How to Have Conversations That Convert? 7. Chances are they haven't actually weighed the likelihood that you do or don't know what they're explaining-they just know that they know it, and that's enough reason for them to expound. Even if you're doing something objectively bad for you-say, smoking a cigarette-when someone says, "Come on, you know better than that," it's such a parental rebuke that you'll probably relapse into adolescent "don't tell me what to do" mode and smoke more cigarettes to spite them. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. You don't have to give a compliment to give a critique. It's important to be direct when talking about your employee's development and growth. Everyone knows what it's like to be around someone who just doesn't make them feel great about themselves with their condescending tone of voice. Steps to deal with condescension at work [disapproval] The tone of the interview was unnecessarily patronizing . Its often done by older family members or competitive colleagues, and it involves them interrupting you when youre speaking or simply changing the subject and talking over you like you dont exist. This is the employee that will finish the majority of your sentences. One of your coworkers believes themselves to be better suited to this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership. Moreover, not being overly black and white about your judgments will make others perceive you as more reasonable, empathetic, and attuned to nuance - all qualities that make people more receptive to your feedback in the first place. Condescending behavior is having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority; showing that you consider yourself better or more intelligent. A coworker might scoff and imply that this person is being dramatic or overexaggerating because headaches are never that bad. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. They can show up in the form of calling a co-worker sweetheart or kiddo or in over-generalizations such as youre always late. Such comments are demeaning, unpleasant to be around, and can leave coworkers feeling patronized. "I actually like that idea" When you say this, it can land like a patronizing backhanded compliment. Lets say they have coworkers named Abraham and Elizabeth. Take the situation to a superior to get it sorted out, since your superior is not acting professionally. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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